i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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