hotel room ftw
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
