I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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