I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
