There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
