Apparently you make a good broom.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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