also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
