Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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