just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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