My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My ass is underappreciated
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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