I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
