I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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