You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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