Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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