Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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