I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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