so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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