I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
