I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
