Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
