I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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