Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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