We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
