i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Dick very happy bro
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
