if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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