in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
