I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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