It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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