Pappa wants mamma naked
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
