Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
