i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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