He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
