there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I have fence marks all over my body
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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