Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
