New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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