I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
