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Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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