That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
How external is "for external use only"?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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