i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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