I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
