But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
