In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
