every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
