so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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