so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
