You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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