Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
