just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
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