bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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