what day is it and did you see me today?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
