Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
