I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
